Red Eyes and Silly Hats
by Yandere Shoujo
Summary: Oneshot. Kurapika and Phinks share a few nicotine filled moments together. Absolute crack.


A/N: Original concept from **A little Slash fun** by LittleQueenie. I'm using these prompts as practice and to not keep everyone waiting on my other works. Though I do have other one shots for crack pairings. Or you could read my other stuff aside from "For the sake of the unknown" or "Fanfiction".

Seriously don't read that, it's terrible.

Well then, let's get this OOC crack started.

_"Kurapika/Phinks or Kurapika/Machi_

_I think_

_The first would be more likely. I think he'd clash too much with Machi, and Phinks is a way more lighthearted character to interact with. I believe Kurapika really really really needs that."_

**Challenge accepted. Let's rock.  
**

Red Eyes and Silly Hats

Phinks didn't exactly care what people thought of his appearance. He knew some people would stare at his lack of eyebrows, or comment, never to his face, about his track suit. Though he always got some lip about his Egyptia styled hat or robe. Those people tended to get their teeth crushed, but it just kept happening. At the moment, he was alone and enjoying a nice smoke by the side of a building.

The city the Troupe had their current hide away in wasn't that large, though like all wealthy places there was also the side that didn't get to live so lavishly. Painted women and drunkards strolled the streets, giving the air a slightly bitter smell. He closed his eyes, inhaling regardless.

"Hey, got another?"

Opening his eyes, he was faced with a young man wearing a dark business suit, though the sleeve had darker stains on them, most likely from blood. In his hand, he held out a few jenni. Realizing what he meant, Phinks reached inside his robe and fished out another cigarette. Not like he needed the money, but he accepted anyway.

"Need a light?" he offered, opening a box of matches. Though he realized he needed to get more eventually.

The other nodded tiredly. He looked quite young, but there was something familiar about his face.

"Hey kid, you don't seem like a smoker. You're holding it funny."

"Never smoked before." he replied curtly.

Phinks shrugged and assisted him anyway. He started at a much younger age, but everyone has to have their first time. The boy inhaled, too much, resulting in a coughing fit. After overcoming his amusement, Phinks patted his back.

"Try not to inhale too much, and try holding the smoke in your mouth for a moment. It'll help keep your throat from getting irritated."

After a few cigarette free deep breaths, the boy spoke.

"That felt terrible, how can you stand it?" he asked through rasps.

"Well, for one I got a bit of advice beforehand, so it helped in the long run. Doesn't take an expert to smoke though. Just gotta do it right."

Once the others face wasn't in danger of being a shade of green, he tried again, this time heeding Phink's advice. The man also took note of how he held the small stick. It was the kind of way the "upper class" held theirs. The kid must have been in some sort of mafia gang if he was imitating that way.

Over time, he seemed to calm down as well, but Phinks still couldn't place where he had seen him before. It was then when the youth looked at him with tired, reddened dark eyes did it all come back. The clothes and hair caught him off guard, but sure enough it was the chain dude, Kurapika. And there he was, having a smoke with him like they were newly acquainted friends.

Fate was a funny tramp.

He kept calm, and continued smoking his own cigarette as he planned his next move. He could kill him then and there, but that wouldn't have been satisfying since Kurapika clearly didn't know who he was. There was also the fact that Chrollo still had the chain in his heart. Kurapika's nen must have been something out of this world if even the nen exorcist Hisoka hired couldn't help. He could, or rather should, alert the others. Feitan could do a number on him without killing him easy enough. Right, that's what he'd do. But how could he ensure that he'd stay put or get him to-

"It tastes like spices."

Phinks looked down in surprise.

"To be honest, I always thought because of the smell these things tasted like ashes or dirt. But... it tastes somewhat pleasant."

Well he surely wasn't expecting that.

"Yeah, well... Cigarette's have all kinds of flavors. Just go to a smoke shop if you want a bit of variety. This kind just so happens to be my favorite."

"What's the brand?"

This was starting to get surreal for the older man.

"Uh, it's Kretek White."

Kurapika eyed the thin cigarette with interest before inhaling again. Both remained silent until Phinks discarded and stepped on the remains of his own.

"Look I gotta go. Nice meeting you." he lied.

Kurapika waved with his free hand and continued to smoke. Phinks made it a few city blocks before the buildings became more abandoned and the roads were barren of cement. It was only until the people stopped lurking around completely did he suddenly feel restrained by something.

His body came to a complete halt as though something was restricting his movement. It couldn't be...could it?

Surely enough, a certain blonde emerged from the side of a building holding out a finger and glaring.

"You will not call for help, nor will you speak. You are going to come with me. Now."

Phinks spit on the ground.

"As if kid. Once I break out of these chains I'm going to personally send you to hell."

The blonde casually inhaled one more time of the cigarette that was nearly burned out and threw it to the ground, grinding it under his heel.

"Perhaps I would feel threatened if I wasn't living in it already. Now, as I said, you will not speak."

The chains that suddenly became visible snaked their way up the older man's neck, temporarily choking him, then to his mouth, leaving him only to breath through his nose. The transition made him cough through what little holes there were in the chains and he became slightly light headed. Though his legs were still free to move so he merely stumbled.

"I will allow you to use your legs but only to walk. Now come on."

* * *

Phinks sat with his back against a wall in a decrepit former business. He did walk with the chain user, however it was either that or be dragged along the gravel and dirt. If his legs were restrained, it would have been a possibility. He attempted to break free multiple times, yet it was futile every time. The younger blonde stood directly in front of him against the adjacent wall.

"It's useless. Uvogin couldn't break free with brute force, and since he was your physically strongest then I highly doubt you or anyone else could."

Muffled grumbles came from Phinks as he struggled one more time before giving up.

"So tell me, Spider, where you going to go fetch your fellow comrades? It was clear that you recognized me after awhile. So I can assume that Pakunoda passed on my information to you before she died."

Chains jingled in the musty air as they loosened from Phink's mouth, allowing him to finally speak.

"You think you're so clever don't you? You're lucky I can't kill you now."

Kurapika didn't even seem to care as he casually removed his contacts, showing off a pair of glowing, red eyes. Phinks looked on silently, glaring.

"I do not fear death so petty threats will not work on me."

"Oh don't worry." Phinks grinned. "You'll be begging for it soon enough."

Any other retorts were cut short as Kurapika finally decided to move. Though instead of attacking, he merely began reaching into the man's robe as though searching for something.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?"

No answer was given until Kurapika managed to find the box where he kept his cigarettes along with his box of only one match. Silently, he lit his own cigarette and appeared to relax after inhaling.

"You know, I could honestly say it was almost pleasant. You Spiders, you monsters, are actually capable of not being absolute heartless killing machines and showing acts of being normal. Though at the same time it makes me hate you even more. It almost even makes me wonder if you're capable of being normal humans."

Unsure of how to respond, Phinks remained silent. Kurapika wordlessly sat down next to him and continued to smoke like the situation didn't even matter.

"Hey, if you're gonna kill me I think now's the time. I don't exactly appreciate having _my_ smokes taken and waiting around."

Kurapika looked over to him then placed the cigarette in his mouth. After enjoying the quick fix of nicotine, Kurapika took it back.

"I would kill you, but to be honest there's somthing holding me back. And from the way Pakunoda and Uvogin died, I can only assume asking you for information will be just as futile as giving you a choice of life and death. But..." he placed the cigarette back in Phink's mouth then took it back. "I guess I like this feeling."

"Well if you're not gonna kill me then let me go so I can-"

"I don't want to hear it. Besides, you're stuck until I decide otherwise, and if need be I will chain your mouth shut again."

At that, Phinks accepted the cigarette once if he had to be honest with himself, he thought he began to understand what the younger meant. Both wanted to kill the other, yet there was something there that prevented him from doing all he could to rip his fingers off.

"Over the years, I couldn't help but to get curious about all of you. And after seeing you in person, that curiosity just wouldn't stop."

Being able to barely crane his neck, Phinks could see the other looking at him out the corner of his eye. Cigarette nearly down to the filter, it was ground out.

"Oh yeah? We're pretty simple for the most part."

A soft hand touched his cheek, surprising him. He couldn't see exactly, but he could feel him moving his hand from his cheek, down to his neck, then over his broad, strong chest.

"Hey now, what are you-"

Kurapika interrupted him once more, only without words and just moving so he was straddling his front. Those still red eyes looking coldly at his own. Without warning, he moved in, so close that Phinks could brush his lips just from opening his mouth.

"I wonder. What a spider, would taste like."

Phinks felt himself heat up while Kurapika experimentally pressed his lips against his own. They were soft, smooth, and reminded him of skinned peaches. In his moment of shock, an even softer tounge met his.

_"Bite him!"_ his mind screamed. He could rip out his tongue with ease and from there probably injure him beyond repair. Phink's body worked against him apparently as he felt his mouth respond.

They stayed like that until the younger moved to lick his ear. Red enveloped Phink's face as the sensation tingled and caused a small gasp to escape his mouth. Kurapika didn't stop, this time moving to his neck. Licking and kissing his skin, even allowing himself to taste his chains. Slim arms wrapped around his neck and the man could feel Kurapika's thin form press against him.

Finally, Kurapika backed off and stood.

"Your skin is hard, and cold. And you taste like dirt and an ashtray. You even smell like an alleyway."

A new, foreign part of Phinks feared the waves of wanting more verbal abuse while being tied up from the blonde who was now walking away from him.

"I'll let you live another day." was all Kurapika said as he released his chains, letting his eyes revert to their normal grey.

Phinks stood and flexed his fingers, cracking each one individually. "Big mistake. I could rip your arms off, then feed them to you right now."

Even if he heard him, Kurapika didn't answer. Though just before he could walk another step, Phinks grabbed him by his shoulders and turned him around. Grey eyes looked up without emotion. He was either extremely brave, or completely insane. Either way, Phinks growled and pressed him against a wall, followed by his lips hungrily attacking the softer pair under him. When Kurapika didn't respond, he shook him slightly.

"Hey now, you're not leaving me here just like that. Kiss me dammit!"

"Why?" Kurapika asked plainly. "Why should I allow you the pleasure of something when you took everything away from me?"

Who knew a kid like him could have such a sadist streak?

"W-well." Phinks was beginning to turn red again.

"However. Pakunoda showed me a piece of what some of you are really like. So, I can give you one in return; however, just one."

Kurapika was pulled into another embrace just barely before he could finish his sentence.

* * *

As Phinks made his way back to their hide out, he enjoyed another cigarette, after a quick theft from a store for an actual lighter. Though it occurred to him that all the while, Kurapika hadn't commented on his hat or robes once.


End file.
